I wrote to depressing posts today. One was about the importance of this week and the other about my lack of faith in my own ability to love and be loved. They are the sorts of things that I can't say, but my thoughts are lingering there a bit today.
Things aren't exactly going smoothly in my life, which is kind of the constant state of my life, but I had a great realization, the best is yet to come. The best year of my life is yet to come. Optimism isn't exactly a natural state for me, but it feels good and I thinks that I will stick with it for a while :)
I don't know what I can say that this link doesn't http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/ibuzztwo/
So I got this link sent to me on myspace today. Video Before you go there, you should know that this is anti-homosexual and may be offensive to some of you, I know it offended me. I will save you the trouble of watching what is a less then spectacular video and tell you the whole crux of the song is "God hates fags". At first I wasn't sure if it was a joke (the guy tripped my gaydar as soon as he came on screen) or if the guy was seriously trying to send that message. I had no choice, I had to look into it further. So I did a little searching around his site. So we start at Evening Service's home page Apparently the bands name is Evening Service, which to me could go either way ya know? That could be a Christian thing or a really funny euphemism. Either way I reserve the right to use that as a euphemism later, much better than "booty call" if you ask me. Anyway, from the bands page I took the link to Love God's Way Ministries This is a pretty entertaining page, I couldn't be sure if it was serious or not still. I recommend giving it a look if you are up for a laugh, I especially recommend the "Safe" and "Gay" bands lists. After giving it a good once over I headed on over to the lead singer, Donnie Davies's homepage. This is where the dream died. Any hopes I had that this was an elaborate and clever joke were dashed and I was left with the uncomfortable knowledge that this man really believed what he said or at the very list wanted to put this message out. I think the guy is probably a self-loathing repressed homosexual who could probably use a good guilt free lay or he is just a whack job. Either way, I really didn't need to write him, but you know me, I can't keep my mouth shut.
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My ex-wife once commented in her blog that she couldn't understand how I could be so unsupportive of my friends. It was right after my friend and co-worker Phil had performed in a punk rock show. Phil was a good friend and I know he would have liked me to be there, but I was tired, I didn't feel like going out, and I wasn't a big fan of punk music at the time. Phil never said a word to me about it and I did go to his next punk show, which he invited me to. Mind you, Phil has been performing live shows for about the past 15 years so I don't think he was all that nervous about it, yet I do feel like I let him down. Still, it was a condemnation of my behavior, one I think about often. I try to be there for my friends. That summer I helped Phil move, I have loaned him money, I have given one of my roommates 9 months to get something worked out on rent, I have tracked down legal assistance as well as going so far as to call my ex-mother-in-law to find help for Jessel, but is all this enough? Am I actually a good friend?
Right now my life seems to be centered around waiting. I'm waiting to get my passport, I'm waiting for my roommate to pay me the back rent, I am waiting for things to reveal themselves to me. All this waiting is quite contrary to my natural tendency to want to take control and make something, anything, happen. Over the past year and a half I have learned a lot about patience, but it is still a new experience for me. I think a lot of these experiences are so alien to me that it is easier to be patient, after all I don't know what else to do other than to be patient. Ultimately I am pretty proud of myself and my ability to relax and let these things happen in their own time.
Well, my resolve to move to the UK remains undaunted. Though this is not proving to be an easy task. Just finding information on how to go about doing it is difficult at best. In my searches today I did find an interesting article on some new changes in the UK immigration system. They are going to a new point system that is similar to the one now used in Australia. I'm not sure what this will mean for me, but I am hoping that it will make it easier to get a work visa.
I've been terrible about keeping this thing up to date. A lot of things have changed in my life since the last time I wrote something here. Mostly they have been good changes and though I have a lot of stress in my life I generally feel pretty happy over all. I've made many new friends and have had a lot of joy come with them. Of recent I have been trying to help two friends out who have had some troubles. It has been taking a lot of energy and resources to give them the aid that I can and it has left me with little for myself. I feel good knowing that I am making a difference in their lives though. I hope that you all are doing well too :)
I moved this weekend. It was trying, especially since it meant spending 12+ hours a day with my dad. But I'm here and I'm happy with the place. I discovered more belongings of former roommates, I will try to get that stuff back to you guys as soon as I can. I think there may be quite a bit more stuff this time. Can one of you check with ya know and see if she is missing a hair dryer? Of course, another big piece of news, I am cleared to return to work. Hopefully I can get in some training classes before I have to hit the road. That is all :)